I always find it a bit funny that Girl Scout cookie season overlaps with Lent. Did the organization’s leaders plan it that way? Maybe it was inspired by Satan himself? You gave up Facebook, gossip, and trashy romance novels for awhile- have a Thin Mint!
As of a year and a half ago, I am not allowed to eat chocolate. I have vocal cord and larynx damage from acid reflux, and chocolate and processed tomato products are the worst things on the planet for me to eat if I hope to avoid pain. Carbonated beverages round out the big three life-altering dietary restrictions. No bubbles allowed.
Everyone always thinks chocolate would be the hardest to give up, but of the three, it was actually the easiest. Don’t get me wrong. There are times that the idea of a Reece’s draws me in like a bug to the zapper, but the few miniature ones I have had haven’t tasted nearly as good as the idea of them did. So much in life seems to work out that way.
Having mostly acclimated to the chocolate-free life has made this year’s cookie sales a breeze to resist. I have to admit, I have secretly enjoyed seeing the looks of unadulterated horror on the faces of the moms who have set up tables with their children and their wares, offering little boxes of heaven to all who enter and exit the grocery store. “Sorry, I would buy a box, but I can’t eat chocolate.” They back away like I just admitted I have a contagious disease that makes you start sacrificing puppies.
Come to think of it, it’s probably what my face looked like when the doctor broke the news that my favorites were all on the banned list.
Unfortunately, in the past few months, I have discovered a whole new world of cookies that are chocolate free.
I have always secretly liked the soft and chewy oatmeal raisin cookies so many others dislike for their deceptive appearance. Oreos don’t seem to really be chocolate– no problems there. Freshly baked Snickerdoodles with just the right cinnamon sugar mix are divine. Lemon cream. Teddy Grahams. Nutter Butters. At a reception at school one evening last week, I accidentally discovered that my school’s cafeteria workers make possibly the best sugar cookies on the planet. I’m serious. They were as good as my grandma’s!
So, discovering this whole new world of cookies available without chocolate in or on them is a problem. None of them have a limited availability window! They are on shelves or in break rooms all year round, most of the time for way less than $4.00 a box! A bigger problem is that my family is pretty much opposed to consuming cookies that do not involve chocolate, so I get them all to myself.
I need the world to start coating all the rest of the cookies in chocolate too, please, because the iron will that keeps the chocolate at bay is completely non-existent when any other cookie enters the room.