There’s some sensitive information I usually keep hidden from students and colleagues.  Only my former teachers and professors have regularly been privy to it in the past, but I am about to reveal it to the world.

I have a secret identity.

Yes, it’s true.  No, I am not part of a witness protection program, nor did I commit a heinous crime and go on the lam. It is something I earned the hard way.

 You may know me as an English teacher, but I am actually the Queen of the Second-Guessers.

Multiple-guess choice questions are the bane of my existence! No matter how simple or how obvious the answer, I will find a way to talk myself out of it.

Princess BrideI’m the embodiment of the Princess Bride scene in which Vizzini goes back and forth about which wine glass to choose, but somehow I always manage to find the poison.

 As a matter of fact, one of the professors in my graduate program commented, “Pam, if you could always have essay questions, life would be great for you, wouldn’t it?  You stink at multiple choice!  I know you know the content.  You just need to be more confident about it.”

My inner snarky teenager wanted to reply that I’d whip out my magic wand and get right on that, but the adult me opted for a nod and a sigh of acknowledgement.

It’s true after all.

But, as I recently wrote in another post– merely declaring something doesn’t make it happen.  You can’t just suddenly wish yourself to be an expert at something, nor can you instantly flip on a confidence switch in yourself or in others.  They both accumulate over time and through experience.

I ended up doing okay in that class, mostly thanks to the strength of my ability to throw together an essay using the jargon my audience wanted to read.  I also really did know the content. But over a decade later, the problem still persists.

It’s how I am able to sit on the throne, reigning over the land of the Second Guessing. 

So, I have to ask– is anyone interested in trying to stage a coup and unseat the crown? (I’d gladly let you take it.)

No? Are you sure about that? Give it some more thought… goodness knows I would!